I love a good writing challenge. Whether it’s fact or fiction, doesn’t matter, I just like putting my mind to work. One the people I follow on Twitter is Joseph Gordon-Levitt, who in addition to acting, is a director of a on-line production community called HitRecord. Last week one of their challenges was to write a fake autobiography. Anything you wanted about yourself. Lie about yourself. And I thought “what fun!”
So here it goes……
I was born in 1989 to Manhattan socialites, whose only claim to working a hard day, was having to mix their own cocktails, if they couldn’t wait for the staff to do it. With a penchant for whiskey, they thought it would be funny to name me Jackie Daniella, since my mother was drinking JD when the surrogate birthed me. As you can image this set the tone for my childhood years.
Not actually wanting to raise a child, they put me, along with nannies and staff, in an apartment, right next to their own, in the Lennox Hill high-rise in which they lived. And there I stayed. Only seeing my parents when they needed a child and having the freedom to do as I pleased.
My teenage years were wild and rebellious, mixed with high end parties full of premium drugs and alcohol, always looking for that next rush of pleasure. Celebrities became my so-called friends and my face on tabloid magazines was everywhere. For 3 years I starred in my own reality show called “Keeping Up With The Whiskey Teen”
So in my early 20’s, after 6 failed attempts at rehab, which was really just a boutique spa, I got my head together and decided that I was going to use my celebrity status and start my own whiskey company. I mean it worked for George Clooney and Cindy Crawford’s husband. Why not me!
Wanting it to be authentic, I moved to Tennessee, bought a distillery and made Jackie Daniella whiskey. It would have been a huge success had I not been sued by Jack Daniels. Apparently when I was born, they had paid my parents large sums of money to have copy rights to my name should they wish to use it in the future.
So, now I live in a one bedroom in Cookeville selling Cat Lady Starter packs on EBay along with 17 of my own cats! Make sure to order yours today!
What would your AutoLIEography be???